CHRISTMAS WEIGHT GAIN - AN OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH (damn those tight jeans)

I could have called this confessions of a Crossfit coach.  Sorry ladies and gents I'm not perfect alas I am only human.

Christmas has come and gone and you may or may not have gained the obligatory 5 or so pounds. Perhaps you took steps to be active and engage in portion control during the holidays, perhaps you did not. As someone who has successfully lost baby weight and maintained it, it’s strange for me to watch the scale go up, be it from muscle gain, water weight or holiday pig outs, it's still weird. I’m not freaking out about it or attempting to prevent it. I’m merely observing -  winter is hear and I'm putting on my winter coat, it's something I do every year.  In years past I have tried to fight it.  But not this year.  I'm going to use it to my advantage. This year it's my bulking phase.  The hypo-caloric state is a perfect time to lift heavy and put on some mass.  Now that's positive thinking! And why not? I indulge in cravings without going overboard. I am active and full of energy. I continue to see PRs on lifts, so I'm not particularly concerned. Something I would have been, concerned, a year or so ago.

Just this past Christmas I had a taste of the old me. I've been spending most of my days in my uniform (workout clothes) because it's pretty hard to squat in street clothes. So trying on my jeans and feeling that they are snug brought some old baggage to the surface that I had long since forgotten.  It wasn't the weight but that feeling of looking in my closet and having nothing to wear.  When nothing feels right. Nothing looks right. Even my coats all feel tight through the shoulders, as if I could Hulk out of them at any time. Seriously I feel like none of my jeans fit but I blame my new, Crossfit quads and ass. Maybe a hint of fat.  Maybe.

I’m confessing this because many of the feelings I had before losing the weight ages ago are coming back. I know I'm stronger and more capable but damn those jeans love to taunt me. They reminded me of a time when I would try to consciously lose weight and all the emotional bull crap that comes along with that sort of thing.  It’s what causes a lot of people to continue the yo-yo dieting cycle. It’s not that they, we, don’t know what to eat.  It's that we lose sight of whats truly important, health and quality of life. We know what to do but no diet can quiet the emotional mental part of us. You know what I mean -we feel sorry for ourselves or beat ourselves up about not being perfect  and turn to food to feel better.  At least I used to.

As women, we often feel like there is a certain mold we should all fit.  Were surrounded by a certain body stereotype, which makes it hard not to compare ourselves. The media, the magazines all have us buying into the B.S. I hated myself for having cellulite, or for having short legs, or thighs that touched together. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Hating myself because my thighs are close together? Give me an effing break. Drive out the negativity before it makes you feel like your not worth anything. It did me. Stupid, really stupid.

Now, weight gain means I can lift more. Seriously. CrossFit has helped to alter my perception of what's important in fitness and of women. It has proven to me that I will never again envy an incredibly frail woman for her lack of figure. It has made me care less about the pant size I wear and more about my 1 rep max. 

I now look up to women who can walk into their Box with no fear and on "3...2...1 go!" control that moment. Women who take on Crossfit are seriously some of the most BADASS women out there!!! They are doing things that most people will never even ATTEMPT.  I don't care that they aren't wearing make up.  I really don't care about what their clothes and I sure as hell couldn't give a heck about their thighs. Because by God, they are inspiring and proof that we can conquer anything.

When I pick up a barbell trying to PR, my entire day is changed from that single moment. I am the shit and no amount of weight gain will change that.  I will fight what  is said to be “beautiful” because my strength is what  makes me feel sexy. And I will be damned before I let anyone tell me that my inner thighs touching is unattractive.

I feel like I say this all the time, but it needs saying again: what your body looks like is not as important as what it can do. Your body-fat percentage/dress size/weight, is not the most important number in determining your physical fitness, not when there are so many other numbers that actually indicate what your body is capable of doing.